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OPEN LETTERS TO
An Open Letter to the Family of Fruit Flies Living in My House
It’s about time I reclaim my kitchen
Dear Drosophila melanogaster family,
You nasty little suckers. Just when I thought I had drowned the very last one of you in hand sanitizer you once again defy death and repopulate my kitchen. And boy, your reproductive success is remarkable.
What is wrong with you? Haven’t you noticed that there is no fruit left to feast on? Or are you fueled entirely by your remarkably evil personalities? I realized that you were having quite a laugh at me when I was so foolish to think that coating my cupboards in apple cider vinegar would do the trick. You doubled your population overnight, and I’m sure you did so just to annoy me.
So now that everything is drenched in toxic chemicals I can’t enter my kitchen without a gas mask these days, but you can? How do you even do that? How are you not dead yet? Will I need a flamethrower, or what?
I noted that you have adapted and now taken possession of my house plants. What a move! Are you having a good time? Are they yummy, those plants? Or is this just your new trench where you’re secretly plotting new attacks? I’ll have to admit that you’re harder to spot in the soil. Well done.
