Member-only story
MENTAL HEALTH
How My Failure to Set Boundaries Nearly Destroyed Me
How hard can it be to just say no?
Boundaries are great.
For the greater part of my life, however, I was entirely unaware of my right to set healthy boundaries of any kind —be it emotionally, mentally, or physically. The concept of practicing self-care by setting clear boundaries was rather foreign to me. This overwhelming and inexplicable naïveté, this simple-heartedness still baffles me to this day. How I could possibly let this happen will forever remain a mystery to me.
But believe me when I say — this lack of boundaries almost quite literally killed me and I would like to explain why.
I have always had this intrinsic need to please other people. And to be honest, I still enjoy doing my friends (and even strangers) a favor, helping them, giving them emotional support. It’s a very deeply rooted part of my personality and I quite frankly like this part of myself. It has helped me to get along with most people I have met during the course of my life.
I don’t like to cause trouble, I don’t particularly enjoy speaking up. If I have a choice then I’d rather be quiet than a big mouth. I will always be the one lending a helping hand when others just look away. I still can’t help it. But…
