HUMOR

IKEA Has Outsmarted Me Once Again

What the heck is wrong with me

One million things I did not need / Photo by author

I went to IKEA the other day and was almost immediately reminded of why I don’t go to IKEA.

But I needed a shower curtain, and because I’m very particular about my shower curtains I reluctantly set out to get this over with. As fast as my legs could carry me in and out again.

I hate almost everything about IKEA. The loud crowds, the raving children, the arguing newlyweds, the sheer size of the building, the terrible emergency room halogen spotlights. The impossible quest for finding things quickly. All in all a complete and utter sensory overload.

Here is the thing. I know how IKEA purposely builds its stores in a way that will likely cause you to get lost — it’s a labyrinth. It’s mischievous marketing and it works. And it even works if you don’t want it to work! ARGH.

So I went in there with a sense of unswerving determination. I was going to get exactly one shower curtain and then that should be it. I would not stop anywhere, would not look at anything. Grab the shower curtain and then run! That was my plan.

I am such a fool. Why did I ever think this would work? This NEVER works.